you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
