Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
