I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
