I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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