like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
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