i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
