Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
