btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
