some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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