The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Michael Bay diarrhea
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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