i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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