THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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