Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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