Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
