well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
