Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
