he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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