You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
