he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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