Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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