Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
