Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
