Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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