A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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