its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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