they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
