Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
