I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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