So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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