I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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