FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
