Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
They took my balls.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
