Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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