I'm going to jail i love you
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
