I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
