Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i dont even know how to be here
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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