.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
