the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
