I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
