i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
