I hate all girls vehemently.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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