I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
