i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
