Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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