Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
