I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
