i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Randomize
