Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
