I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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