My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
