dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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