im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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